Goodbye 2020…….

I had hoped that turning 40 this year would have been more fun. Starting this blog was a way, plus my naughty Twitter, on expressing myself. My true self. The one I have hidden for a long time, I have been writing my thoughts and feelings in tweets and people have been kind enough to give positive reviews. My increasingly exhibitionist pictures have given me an outlet for my naughty streak that must stay controlled.

I have begun exploring and reading around D/s and while I think I am more submissive I still find it difficult to reconcile my fiery argumentative nature with desire to be dominated. 2020 has given me an eye opener, a slight insight but perhaps my at points severe depression would not lend itself to it.

I had hoped 2020 would be a good year personally and professionally. Though it has not worked out that way- but same as been for many. I wanted to feel happy & more positive, ended up severely depressed & back under mental health team. Wanted to lose 3 stone- only 5 to go! Flirted with a twitter crush who has gone and I miss him and the laughter. Professionally I was seconded to a senior role and fought my way through it with COVID for 9 months. My job deals with it 24/7 and it has nearly broken me, I gave up my temporary promotion. I would have had it permanently but COVID almost destroyed my mental health.

The Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh has its clock set 3 minutes fast to help commuters catch their train, then on Hogmanay they match the countdown. This year they are not doing this. There will be no street party, no traditional celebrations and they wont change as nobody wants extra 3 minutes of this year!

To all of you I wish the very best. If I have hurt anyone through any comments that have been said/typed before my brain thought it through, I apologise. To all you wonderful people who have made me laugh and feel welcome thank you so very much xxx


  1. It has been a really hard year for most of us one way and another but it sounds like you have really been pushed. I think the milestone years can make us want change but this year has mostly been broken plans and cancellations in that department. I am sorry to hear that your mental health has been so affected. I can’t begin to imagine the pressures on staff working in the areas that you do but thank you for being there and for stepping up. Prioritising your own health is a must and I am sure that there will be other promotions if you should ever want one. One of the good parts of this year has been the friendships I have made and strengthened. I am glad to have met you and got to know you and so here’s to 2021 and Hopi)g it’s a good one for you. Missy x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It has been and still is a constant onslaught in my job. Gin & caffeine & a LOT of swear words fuelling my team! 🙂 yeah I do think the milestone years give people a jolt in one way or other. 2020 was not how I hoped it would be, but positive pants on I have made really good friends such as yourself! That has been the highlights for me plus scaring myself doing the podcast! 😂 lets look forward to 2021! 🍸

      Liked by 1 person

  2. So many good thoughts and honest truths about yourself. That transparency and vulnerability does not come easy.
    You sound a lot like the fiery vixen I get to call My Kitten. We have decided if there is a label for her type of submission it would be she is an alpha sub.
    She is an ED Physician and acts as the general directing care and treatment for all who walk into her Emergency Department during her shift. She is a strong willed feminist who has accepted that she craves the comfort of her submission.
    Being the brat that she is I have to learn how to give subtle direction and requests not commands. (Outside of the bedroom)
    Good Luck with 2021.
    You are not alone. And I look forward to seeing your future posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am sorry you had to let go of that promotion, but caring for yourself is always better than any work and money out there. Here’s to hoping 2021 will be a better year, and to read a lot more of your blog!
    ~ Marie

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If the promotion was there once, it’ll be there again. I hope 2021 heals more than 2020 hurt and you discover who you’re meant to be (in the lifestyle or outside of it). Happy New Year!

      Liked by 1 person

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