A time when I was brave for this weeks Wicked Wednesday prompt. Honestly, I could give you loads of romanticised examples of childbirth, mental health, nursing in pandemic etc but I wont. I have decided to be simple, joining NSFW Twitter. I am a curvaeous.. well chubby to be more honest, spent my life being told I am not very attractive and my interest in D/s was abnormal and wrong. Therefore over the years I have suppressed my desires and wild nature and our jobs added on extra layer of conformity.
My looming (now past) 40th birthday was in my head,was always my scary age so I decided to push myself personally as I had professionally. Internally my devillish, impish side begging to be let loose (she can be fun) and so I set up this NSFW ccount. On it I have flashed boobs, bum, legs, bellies and smiles to those who follow me. Anonmously allowing the real me to let loose, explore who I am and could have been, allow years of repression out.
Its brave as I am letting people look at me in various states of physical dress or undress, emotionally undress my desires in writing and I dont let many in too deep. Yet, I am not as brave as others as I dont show my face online despite feeling more sexually free and confident than I have in about 20 years but its not a competition. What I do here is brave and so is my offline persona, I put on a smile and carry on. I keep my public face on and continue in extreme vanilla. Suppressing who I really am for those I love most, denying what I really wish to try but allow ‘Alice’ to exist in writings and NSFW Twitter page. I am brave in that I acknowledge who I am now, but hold it in. The past 16 months has been challenging professionally of my career, but in finding and maintaining ‘Alice’ I had an outlet. Few know who I really am, only my best friend knows deep down who I am and she encourages ‘Alice’ traits fully as she knows and loves me more than I do.
Who am I? Nobody really, according to my upbringing except too stupid, fat, ugly ec, but now I am brave. I started ignoring those demons and thanks to many on here, including my ‘Lewis’ I am becoming more free and ‘Alice’ is alive and well.